


Hope In Front of Me

by mdelpin



Series: Tumblr Requests [6]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Fear, Friendship/Love, Galuna Island Arc, Hope, M/M, POV First Person, Penance - Freeform, Self-Reflection, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, fuckyeahgratsu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 12:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18660445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdelpin/pseuds/mdelpin
Summary: Gray keeps himself apart from the others as a way to punish himself for his past, but a pink haired boy joins the guild and turns his world upside down.





	1. Penance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [watcher_ofthe_sky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/watcher_ofthe_sky/gifts).



> @fuckyeahgratsu reqeust for @watcher-ofthe-sky  
> Prompt: "You make me want things I can't have"

Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong To Hiro Mashima 

Prompt: You Make Me Want Things I Can’t Have 

_Why? Why couldn’t you have ended up at some other guild?_

Before you came along, I was perfectly happy to keep everyone out, to lose myself in the chill that reflected not only my magic but the way I felt I deserved to live. I needed to atone for my sins, for the lives I'd taken. It didn't matter to me that they'd sacrificed themselves willingly, their love for me had killed them, and I would never let that happen again. 

The loneliness I endured was my penance for all the pain I caused. For the souls that were no more and the lives I‘d destroyed. My parents, my Master, Lyon. 

But in you came, with your stupid pink hair and your blinding smile. Your overwhelming affection and your god damned warmth worked at me continually until I was left raw and open. Gods, I wanted to hate you. 

But I couldn’t. 

So I pushed you away with all my might. I came at you with fists, words, magic and anything else I had left in my crumbling arsenal. It was a desperate bid to keep everything the same, but no matter how hard I fought to push you away, you pushed back just as hard. Demanding things from me that I couldn't give. But I...I wanted to. 

I hoped that you’d eventually give up and leave me alone. I didn’t realize then, how fucking stubborn you were. Did you think it was a game? You couldn’t have known it was my frozen heart that was at stake. Except it wasn’t frozen anymore, was it? You’d begun working at it from the moment we met, slowly making it beat to your rhythm. 

As time passed, I looked forward to our daily fights more than I cared to admit, to your touches and your fire. They were the only thing that made me feel alive. Thank the stars for Erza, if it hadn’t been for her constant interference, I fear I would have given myself away a thousand times. 

I let myself think about what our future could be if only I were brave like you. Because throughout everything that happened, your eyes always remained on me. Squinty and bright and fearless and — dare I hope — yearning, as I yearned for you. 

I was such a fool. 

Because one day you ran off searching for Igneel as you’d done a hundred times before. But when you returned, you weren’t alone. You’d brought someone with you, the stars to your sun and I could see that your spell had already begun to work on her as it had on me so long ago. 

And everything changed. 

Lucy. 

She was everything you were supposed to want, how could I hope to compete? I could feel her weaving her spell on you, taking you away from me. And it stung. I didn't know how to fight it, didn't even know if I should. There was so much she could give you that I never could. So I distanced myself, pretended I couldn't see the confusion on your face, the hurt. 

I told myself I was doing what was best for you, that I was selfless, but I knew the truth. I was a coward, scared you’d pick her over me. 

I know I have no one to blame but myself. I let it happen. Soon you were around less and less and my heart, it was lost. No longer capable of feeling properly without you as its metronome. 

Natsu. 

My love for you endures, preserved within the darkness of my soul and my feigned animosity. Doomed to travel beside your light, always near, so close I can almost feel my skin burning. 

To yearn for what I can't have... I never suspected you’d been my penance all along. 


	2. Hope

I was a fucking masochist. What other reason could I’ve had to volunteer to chase after you and Lucy, once we realized you’d stolen an S-Class Mission? 

I s _hould_ have thought about how much it’d hurt to see you with her, but all I could think was how you’d get yourself killed during the mission or by Erza's hand and my mouth dried up as I panicked. No matter where we stood at the moment, I needed you. 

_How bad could it be?_

I'd found you but you managed to knock me out and tie me up. Before I knew what was happening, I was on a boat to Galuna island. But you were right, those people needed our help, and no one else was willing to do it. We were their only hope. 

So I swallowed my pride and went along with your scheme, a willing participant to your idiocy. I could never have imagined how this job would change everything we knew about each other. It tore my world apart, forced me to face all the things I'd thought I'd left behind. 

Deliora. 

Towering over me, encased in the very ice that was a testament to my Master's will. It had been her ultimate sacrifice and my sin to bear. But now the ice was melting, it didn't make sense, and it terrified me. I felt eight years old again, and my heart beat faster as I grew terrified that Deliora would tear you apart in front of my eyes. 

_Not you, never you, I’d rather die than let that happen!_

I’d never expected to see Lyon again either, not after the way we’d left things but I should have known his ambition could never be sated. So many emotions ran through me — anger, hatred, love, despair, fear, shame. Leaving me breathless and shaky. 

I could feel your confusion as you watched me, wanting to ask but not knowing how I’d react, and I wished so much I didn’t love you. All my secrets, everything I’d ever kept hidden, poured out of me, laying me bare in front of you and letting you see straight into my soul. Rendering me weak when all I’d wanted was to show you my strength. But there was no other choice to be made, Lyon had to be stopped, Deliora could not be allowed to rise again. 

I knew there was only one way to stop the demon, Ur had proven that years ago. I needed to defeat Lyon and cast Iced Shell. I'd live out the rest of my life in an eternal contest of wills against the demon that had taken everything from me. I made my peace and prepared to sacrifice myself to keep you safe, to keep everyone safe. 

I could see the questions in your eyes, and I evaded them as best I could, not wanting you to understand what I was up to. I needed to touch you so desperately then, to tell you the words I'd held back so long, knowing I’d never get another chance. 

I caught the worry reflected in your eyes when you looked at me, and I felt guilty for putting it there. I watched you run off to handle your own fight, trusting my strength to carry me through and I was selfishly glad that you wouldn't be able to see what was going to happen. 

Deliora growled as the ice surrounding him finally melted and I knew I was out of time. I knocked Lyon out of the way and walked resolutely towards the demon, ready to put an end to the turmoil of my childhood. 

I crossed my arms in front of me in the shape of an X, just as Ur had all those years ago when she tried to lock away my darkness. I readied myself, saying goodbye to the friends I'd made at Fairy Tail. When I felt the spell take hold of me, I quickly searched for you, hoping your face was the last thing I saw before my body transformed into ice. 

But you weren't where you were supposed to be. Somehow when I'd looked away, you'd managed to place yourself right in front of me, determined in your desire to face Deliora while preventing me from sacrificing myself. 

My blood froze, and my eyes widened, as I watched you fight _my_ demon and defeat him, your flames blazing, a mirror to your heart, which was larger than life as always. 

I thought you’d yell, or kick and punch, at the very least call me names. You had every right to be angry, but you did none of those things. You crashed into me, but not in any way I expected. 

As I tried to make sense of everything that had happened, I felt your arms grip me tightly, pulling our bodies closer as if you were afraid I’d disappear if you let go. Your lips slammed into mine, a kiss both desperate and demanding, everything I’d always imagined and more. 

And for once I didn't fight you, I surrendered. I kissed your lips without restraint and let your light enter my soul, eradicating any remaining darkness. 

I realized then I’d been wrong. You were never meant to be my penance, you were meant to bring me hope. And now that I have you, I will never let you go. 


End file.
